every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize