My first STD was from a foam party
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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