i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
