my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
