At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
