Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
