And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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