yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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