Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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