i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
