drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
