Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
