When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
