bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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