Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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