Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
