Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
