Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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