thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
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