She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
50% drunk capacity currently
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
