My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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