so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize