these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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