You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
