I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
