I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
