I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
