i barfeds in our rink
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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