My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
