If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
