the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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