The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You left your underwear on the fireplace
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
