So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
