yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
