The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
