proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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