i love accidental penises.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
