Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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