I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
The air taste purple.
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