problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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