do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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