Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Enjoy the penises
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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