its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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