i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
