You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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