My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
