Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
