I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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