Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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