Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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