Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
