Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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