I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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