PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just gift wrapped bread.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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