Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
