You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
