I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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