SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
