K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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