so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
