Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
