At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
