why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
