Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
