Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
